This is so hard to write. It’s not a blog I ever thought I would be writing. And it’s taken me about a month to come to grips with it enough to be able to put it into words. It’s not fitness related, but family related.
Some of you know what’s happened if you follow me on social media. On January 12 we had to put our oldest dog, Bosco down. He had just turned 12 years old on January 7.
My husband was home for the day and had taken my truck to get the oil changed when he came back to see Bosco having a seizure in his crate. I can only imagine how horrific that must have been. He tried to snap him out of it by taking him out of his crate, holding him, putting him out in the cold, but nothing worked. He called me frantically while I was at work. Luckily, I was on my lunch break. I didn’t know what to do. He had tried to call our vet but they were at lunch as well. I couldn’t find the emergency vet phone number so I freaked and just told him to get in the car and drive him there. The emergency vet that we have gone to before is on the south side of our neighboring town. But Jay was driving past one that is a couple miles from our house and since we were still on the phone, I told him to just go there.
We had a few other conversations, but it ultimately came down to me leaving work to grab the kids from school. The vet said that Bosco could have possibly had a stroke and that we could take him to the emergency vet in Madison for more tests and an MRI to figure out what was going on but that could cost thousands of dollars; and that he would most likely not be the same dog no matter what we did. We then made the decision to say our good-byes.
I called my parents on the way to get the kids to tell them what was happening. They were visiting my grandpa in Florida and were at Disney World for the day. I feel awful that I made my mom cry at Disney telling her about Bosco.
At the vet, we were able to go in and see Bosco so we could say good-bye. He was hooked up to an IV with some meds to calm him. It was very hard to see him this way. We all cried and told him how much we loved him and how he was always such a good boy. I’ve never been at the vet when we’ve had to put one of our dogs down as a kid, so this was my first experience with this. It was hard! I have never felt such pain in my heart before. I sobbed so hard! EJ cried. Jay cried. Maddie was our only strong one. She wants to be a vet so I think this was very intriguing for her.
It was very rough bringing home a box with our first dog in it. We really didn’t know what to do at first. I immediately cleaned out his crate and put it in the basement. Then I cleaned his food bowl and put that away. Anything that reminded me of him needed to be gone.
Jay started to figure out just how we were going to bury our dog in the middle of winter in Wisconsin. We went to google to search for ideas. We ended up reading that several people had started a bonfire over the area to melt the ground starting with charcoal. Being that it was later in the day, we all decided to call in to work and school the next day to grieve our fur baby. It was the right decision. Jay spent the day figuring out the fire and getting supplies while simply relaxing with the family and our 2 other pups. I spent the day in a daze. It really hit me when Jay wanted me to go to Menards with him to get supplies. I couldn’t handle it and needed to get out of the house. I needed to run. I spent the run thinking about my baby and holding back the tears. Eventually I couldn’t any more and I ran crying through town.
We ended up spending the weekend building a bonfire, moving the coals, digging, putting the coals back over the hole, adding more wood, and repeating the process until the hole was big enough for the box to fit.
It took us until Sunday to get the hole just right. We had a small ceremony where we told Bosco goodbye one last time, how much we loved him and shared some special memories. We collected some of his favorite frisbees from the yard and put them in his box so he’ll have them in Heaven. Yes, we believe that our pets go to Heaven. I believe that Jesus is throwing some of those frisbees to Bosco many times throughout the day.
It’s been very hard for me knowing that Bosco is gone. I still try to call for him in the morning to wake up and head outside. I miss him snuggling with me on the chair with his brother Mugsy. I miss him jumping up on you when you come home. I miss his goofy face and sloppy kisses. He was my buddy and right now there is no room in my heart for another dog. We tried to go to Petland the other day to just see the puppies and I’ve been boycotting it for awhile, so I thought I could handle it. I was doing ok until I say the Boston Terrier puppy. I totally lost it right there in the middle of the pet store. I am obviously not ready for this. We pretty much left quickly after that. I’m just not ready.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another dog. We still have Musgy, our pug who’s going to be 10 in March, and Marley, our French bulldog who’s going to be 5 in May. These two are enough right now. Mugsy has taken the loss of his brother pretty hard. He’s been pretty mopy and his tail doesn’t want to curl. He misses his brother. Some days he eats good and others he doesn’t. He’s still grieving. Marley on the other hand seems to be his usual crazy self and acts like nothing really happened. I think it’s because he wasn’t around Bosco for as long as Mugsy. They’ll be ok. We did let them smell the box and the bag that Bosco was in. They were also a part of our funeral ceremony. They know what happened.
This experience has taken a toll on my for sure. I have felt completely lost missing my sweet Bosco. The only thing that has felt normal has been working out and keeping to my normal everyday routines. I try not to think about it too often but every once in awhile he creeps into my thoughts and I cry again. One day the pain won’t be quite as bad and I may be ready for another puppy. Until then I am going to cherish my time with my current pups and love them up every day.
Thank you for your understanding in my lack of blogging lately. Bosco meant the world to me.
I am moving on and will start to blog more soon.
Laura
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