I know I haven't’ been the best blogger as of late. Honestly, I haven’t felt like sharing much of what I’ve been going through the past year. Maybe I felt ashamed for struggling so much and wanted to continue to give off the persona that everything was perfect. I’m not perfect. Far from it. But that’s what makes me real and human. I think that’s what people want to see and read about. Not everyone is a fitness model or perfect wife and mother. So here it is! My comeback to blogging. It’s going to be real and raw and everything I’ve kept inside.
Last year when we returned from our Disney vacation (June 2017), I started back into training for my 3rd Madison Marathon. I wanted a PR so badly for this race. I wanted so badly to be under 5 hours. My training sucked! With EJ starting peewee football and my class load at work (I’ll get into that later), every time I thought about this race, I dreaded it. Honestly, I was falling more and more in love with weightlifting, and falling out of love with running and basically any form of cardio. It was long and tedious and just not fun anymore. I had scheduled 3 20 mile runs, and 2 of those I did on the treadmill; while the other one I had to make so many bathroom stops that I ended up running multiple laps around town so that I would be close to a bathroom if I needed it. It was terrible! I finally decided come race day that I was just going to run it and finish and this would be it. I actually had a really good pace going for most of the race. It was cool so I wasn’t overheating at all. It was actually perfect race weather. Cloudy, cool, just nice. I actually thought I would be able to break my PR of 5:04. I actually was on track to do so, until about the last 6 miles. I was getting really worn out and my feet and legs were just not having it any more. I ended up with a time only seconds slower than my PR. And do you know what I decided? I’m fine with that time. I’ve ran this race 3 times. I have nothing left to prove. I’m going to be done with marathons for awhile. My sister was at the finish line which was the first time she had watched me finish a race like this. I could hear her, her boyfriend, my parents, my mother-in-law, my husband and my kids yelling from the sidelines! That was all I had every really wanted. My entire family watching me cross the finish line. That’s what it’s really all about. Family supporting one another.
I think that was what really helped me to make that tough decision to take a step back from racing. I wanted to be there for my family. I wanted to enjoy more things with my husband and kids. I wanted to enjoy more things with my sister and her boyfriend, who I’m getting to know more and more and growing fond of him each time we are together. He’s a much better match for her than her ex-husband. I want us to be able to do things as a family and I don’t have to say, “Oh I can’t. I have to run long that day.” Now I’m not saying that I will never race again. Maddie and I have a couple 5K’s we are running in. And I’m not saying that I will never run a marathon again, but right now, family is what matters the most and enjoying my time with my kids before they decide they don’t want to hang out with me.
That was one reason for my lack of blogging. The other was my job. I hate to say this but the last school year was one of the most challenging of my career. I was tasked with teaching 4 literacy strategies classes to 6th and 7th grade students in both buildings. Keeping things straight and trying to help these students meet their individual reading goals was overwhelming! I was by myself, for the most part, in trying to get these kiddos engaged in reading tasks. When we planned this out, it was a nice idea in theory, but our theory didn’t pan out. In the end my students made progress, but I knew that this was not what I wanted my job to be about. I was only reaching about 20 students in each building. There are 500-600 students in each of my schools. That’s not being as effective as I can be. Which is exactly what we figured out at the end of the year. Anyway, because of the stress of wanting my kids to succeed and traveling between buildings, I became very negative. But not only that, I saw and focused on the negativity of everyone else. Probably to try and make myself feel better and to place blame somewhere else. I was not a good teacher, colleague, friend, wife, mother, etc. last year. It was not good. I was not pleasant to be around. I disliked myself and had a really hard time finding the good in anything. It took me most of the summer to get over it as well. But I found some new things that have really helped me out.
As many of you know, if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, I have found a serious love and passion for weightlifting. I 100% love everything about being able to go down to my basement and pump iron! So much so that my husband got me a bar and plates for Mother’s day. It’s very different from running and training for a marathon, but that’s for another blog post. Lifting weights gave me something to focus on in my time of stress and frustration last year. It pretty much was the only thing I cared about towards the end of the school year.
The one true thing that has really changed my mindset and outlook for this new school year is my relationship with Jesus. Now I know some of you, won’t want to hear what I’m going to say and that is your choice. I am not here to judge you in any way. Your beliefs are your own. I say this so that you will be respectful of mine.
This summer I connected with my sister and my grandfather’s second wife in daily devotionals using the Bible app. At first it was just the devotionals and talking to them about my relationship and how the devotion related to my life. Then when school got out, I decided I wanted more. I wanted to know the Word more. It was fine reading verses here and there but I wasn’t feeling truly fulfilled. I was going to try to read the whole Bible over the summer but I knew I would fall behind with the kids around and other projects I wanted to complete. So I started the Bible in a year program. In this program you read a little from the Old Testament, the New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs, It’s totally doable. I really started to love it and to cherish my time reading. It led me to start journaling again, to start listening to Christian radio again, and to really try to walk in Jesus’ footsteps. I always knew I had a purpose, but last year tested me and I fell away from my faith. I now have probably the strongest relationship that I’ve had with Jesus in all my life. I’ve read more of my Bible in the past 3 months than I have in all my life. I talk with Jesus daily. I praise His name through song. I annoy my kids while doing it, but they hear it and my actions will help them to decide how to act as well.
Because of my new and improved relationship with Jesus and my new passion for weightlifting, I feel like this year is going to be so much better than last year. So please join me this year! I’m making a promise to you and to myself that I will share more through this blog. We are all here to support each other no matter what.
Please also, if you would like, follow me on Instagram @womanofsteelelifts I post there daily as well as on facebook.
Here’s to an amazing comeback!
=) Laura
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